we are not what you think we are, we are golden.

I realized that I haven't posted anything in quite awhile, and even though no one really reads this I would like to start blogging again. This PostSecret I just read reminds me of how far I have come, and the completely new life I have built for myself. Not to mention my new set of basement stairs, with new memories of love and laughter in every step.

The summer ended and Max left for San Antonio. I wrote him a song and we cuddled and cried, giving each other words of encouragement to help us get through the year. He drove me home, we kissed goodbye, and that was that. So far, this long distance relationship has been tough but we are pulling through. Although school is distracting me, I still miss him and my heart lights up whenever I see his name pop up on my phone playing "Sunny Sailor Boy."

Along with Max, with the end of summer came the beginning of college for virtually all my friends but a few. I miss them all so much, and I'm sad that things won't ever be the same as they were last year. Becca, Amer, Julie, Stephen, Danielle, Sarah, Natalie, Patrick, Owais and anyone else I forgot, I miss you all SO MUCH. Boyfriend and friendless, I dove in to the new school year with extreme senioritis.

School has been hectic, to say the least. I met a new friend who is in my division named Mari, a foreign exchange student from Argentina. She is a strong-willed, outgoing and exciting girl who has brought so much excitement to my group of friends. I have completely overloaded myself with being president of Irish Club, Editor-in-chief of the newspaper, AP classes, Steppenwolf, and being cast in All My Sons. Besides all of this, I still must keep up with my homework and college research. The latter is driving me absolutely NUTS. Even when I miraculously have no homework to do, the looming fact that I should be doing college essays or memorizing monologues. I did finish my Common Application essay after several temper tantrums and words of encouragement from Max and my parents, but still have mounds of college researching that needs to be done. As for the scholarship I am gunning for, I have made it past the second round and there is only one round to go. Whether I get it or not, the interviews have been fun experiences.

I feel confident and collected, then I sometimes feel weak and lost. THE NEW MIKA CD+MIKA CONCERT TICKETS! I'm still playing guitar but without a pick, which has left a nice blister-soon-to-be-calus on my right thumb. My dad has informed me that for my 18th, I am getting my very own guitar. I am BEYOND excited. I feel like my writing isn't very good anymore, which upsets me but encourages me to keep doing it. I got a new dog named Captain Jack Aubrey, "Cap" for short. He is a cute little Jack Russell Terrier who still has some manners to learn. I'm at Lauderdale right now and I LOVE Fall. There are dry, orange and brown leaves all over the ground, and whenever a gust of wind blows through acorns fall like hail on our roof.

Since this is getting a little long, I think I'll leave the rest for the next post.

Love, Grace

i'm scared

Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.

Agliophobia- Fear of pain.

Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.

Carcinophobia- Fear of cancer.

Dystychiphobia- Fear of accidents.

Emetophobia- Fear of vomiting.

Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars.

Meningitophobia- Fear of brain disease.

Mycophobia- Fear or aversion to mushrooms.

Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.

Nosophobia- Fear of becoming ill.

Paralipophobia- Fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.

Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.

Thanatophobia- Fear of death or dying.

contrast

To you,

and to you.

Nice postsecrets this week, good job Frank and the rest of the world.

'cause i've never been so tired in all my life.

1. I've come to realize that my ex is... just "there".

2. I am listening to... my dad cleaning the kitchen.

3. I talk… a LOT when I'm happy, barely at all when I'm upset or nervous.

4. I love... my seniors.

5. My best friends... know exactly who they are.

7. I lost... my ACT practice book a week before the test.

8. I hate it when people... JUDGE ME too quickly.

9. Love is... the only thing that can really calm me down.

10. Marriage is... important.

11. Somewhere, there might be a... real alien.

12. I'll always be... able to forgive.

13. I have a crush on... no one, I've got a boy.

14. The last time I cried was... probably a couple of days ago.

15. My mobile phone... is practically a gum package.

16. When I wake up in the morning... I feel shitty lately.

17. Before I go to sleep at night... I talk to Max.

18. Right now I am thinking... about all of the things that I HAVE to do.

19. Babies are... cute but their crying is like nails on a chalkboard.

20. I get on facebook... more than I should.

21. Today I... went to Stella's and practiced for the ACT.

22. Tonight I will... clean my room and talk to Max.

23. Soon I will... write another blog for Steppenwolf.

24. I really want... relief.

25. The person who is most likely to repost this is... Colleen maybe?

procrastinatory mind dump.

Ever since I was little, I knew that that song would make me cry one day. I am sick of feeling sick. College? College. College...?! I wish I had more secrets. I have always been afraid that once I did it, I'd regret it; I don't. I have to do this Psych homework what am I doing? I wish there was a new Grey's Anatomy this week. I didn't do anything I said I would do over break. My room is a mess. My bed isn't made. I can't believe I didn't throw up last night. My prom dress is beautiful and I can't wait. I was so happy singing on the train with Max yesterday, I felt almost dizzy. I am so in love with him and I wouldn't rather be with anyone else. I feel sort of lost right now, I'm not sure why. Next year is tumbling closer and closer and I know I am not ready.

i'm finished with my journalism work.

I'm writing songs! Finally I am comfortable enough with guitar to start writing. I wrote a song about kangaroos, and another about a special someone. I think the next song I write will be about my cowboy boots. Music is huge in my life right now. I'm so excited for the Bishop Allen concert in a couple of weeks, I've been listening to the CD non-stop and learned how to play "Butterfly Nets" on the guitar. 

Max and I have discovered the wonders of webcam! Although, it is a bit awkward that he can see me but I can't see him. He says he's going to fix his as soon as he can though. Strangely, I think it has the opposite effect that I thought it would. I find myself missing him more, and I feel like he feels the same. So if a week feels long... I wonder what we will feel come August? No need to think on that now. 

My grades definitely slipped, but I think I'm bringin' them up- I got this.

Oops! Bell rang!

happy valentine's day

Hah.

critical period

My life is totally all over the place, but in a good way. I've got my girls, my guys, my love, and my family all close to me. I've been all over the city lately- from West Town to Downtown, then back home to Ravenswood. I've spent a good deal of my parents' money, primarily on food. I feel like a little kid in their critical period, like I am learning 84390589 new things a day. My brain is overwhelmed but not over worked- there is so much more I know I can learn. I'm going to let it jump around now and see where that takes me.

JUMP Max, how lovelylovely. Getting to know new people is always an adventure, but no one really compares to this adventure. He makes me feel delightfully nervous, inspired, motivated, and lovingly timeless. Weekends are full of laughter and adventure, and I'm brought back to them while listening to the hundreds of new songs he has introduced me to. I am inspired and in love.

JUMP Stellas, ohhghfhudhhhhh *drools*. I literally shake while eating their food sometimes... sooo good. Brunch today was so delicious, I finally got something other than an avocado cheeseburger! It was a brunch skillet with hash browns, cheddar cheese, eggs and avocados. Oh, and Danielle, Sarah, Becca and Stephen were there too =D

JUMP School, zzzzzzzzz. I don't know what is goin on lately, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm procrastinating and my grades are slipping, cool.

JUMP Summer. People leaving. End thought.

JUMP My camera is BACK, thank god. I feel so much happier when I can look back on a fun day I had, literally. I have always been a picture-taker.

JUMP THE SNOW IS MELTING, I HAVE DOCUMENTED PROOF.

JUMP I am happy, but my smile still looks ridiculously fake in pictures. I wish I could fix it.

JUMP Guitar! I feel so accomplished lately. I love playing and I miss my acoustic.

These thoughts are getting shorter and shorter, I better save some for the next post.

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips,

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips.

Halle-fuckin'-lujah.
I feel free, its been awhile.

-my lovely seniors
-max, banana pancakes, kissin' and talking till the AM
-colleen, ben and michael
-guitar
-posturepedic bed and my big puffy comforter
-steppenwolf
-gloria
-delicious dinners
-momma, dad, and eleanor
-jack johnson
-pandora
-blogs that I still keep